I'm So Tired (Promise You'll Stay)
by heatherkw
Summary: "I can't do this anymore," she continued. "I'm so tired. So fucking tired of this. I just can't do it anymore." No, no, no. This can't be happening. She can't be breaking up with him. - Bughead, set in season 2. Loosely based on SDCC spoilers about Betty fighting for her relationship with Jughead, and my brain got carried away with what if Jughead wasn't fighting as hard for her.


**A/N-** Ok bughead family, stick with me here! So this is based on some of the SDCC spoilers that Betty will be fighting for her man, but no real mention of Jughead fighting for her... but BEFORE I saw more info about how she's supported by her friends. So this is the result of my brain getting carried away with the idea that Betty is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, and Jughead has shut her out. While I don't think like anything like this would happen on the show, we don't exactly expect that from fanfiction ;)

OH! Also trigger for self harm. Please don't read if Betty's self harm will trigger you. Stay safe friends!

xo Heather

* * *

Betty Cooper was exhausted.

No, exhausted wasn't even the correct description of how she felt. _Fucking_ exhausted. Yup, that about covered it. Now, Betty rarely, if ever, cursed. But she figured after the month she had, it was an accurate description.

It had been one month since Archie's dad has been shot.

One month of the sheriff's department coming up with next to nothing for suspects.

Three weeks since he stabilized and moved out of the ICU.

And two weeks since he came home and was going through physical therapy.

She spent as much spare time as possible supporting both Archie and his dad, offering to tutor Archie so he wouldn't fall behind in his classes and encouraging Mr. Andrews when he started physical therapy.

And when that didn't feel like enough, she made sure both Andrews men were well fed. Pretty much anything beat take-out for Archie and hospital food for his dad. After the first week of casseroles, lasagna, chocolate chip cookies, and blueberry muffins, her mother stepped in and doubled all of the dinners to send half of it to the Andrews household.

Betty still found herself baking the occasional pastry or dessert for the Andrews household, finding the process rather therapeutic. There was something about the predictability of following a recipe that brought a sense of calmness, if only for an hour.

It had also been one month since her mother had dropped the bomb of an older brother given up for adoption. A few days after the Jubilee, she had asked her mother if she tried to reach out to him through the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. Unfortunately it was a closed adoption and any attempts at reaching out to him were off limits. They could only find him if he reached out to his adoption services first.

So on top of the River Vixens practice five days a week (and occasionally on weekends if a big game was coming up), brainstorming with Ethel and Kevin for the Christmas dance that was in two months, being the sole writer for the Blue and Gold, and the rigorous demand of her honors classes, she had also taken up volunteering at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy once a week to help the receptionist. She was hoping to go through some of their archived files to dig up information on her brother, but so far, she discovered records only went as far back as 2012. Their archived files must be stored in a different location, and she had yet to find them.

Then on top of all of the usual craziness (plus searching for her brother), she didn't really have anyone to talk to. Veronica was always with Archie, stepping up as the supportive girlfriend while his father went through rehabilitation. She knew that Archie had his own problems to deal with, so she didn't want to bring him into her problems. Even Kevin was busy with the debate team; they had just won state finals and were preparing for regional's.

Then there was Jughead, or the lack thereof. Ever since the night that Jughead accepted the Serpents jacket, things had been different. He had been closed off, secretive. Claiming that he didn't want to pull her into dangerous situations that she didn't need to be involved in.

The first week went by without too many changes to their relationship. Sure, they didn't see each other throughout the day, but he brought her over for dinner and introduced her to his foster family. They texted nearly every day, now that his foster family had him on a reliable cell service. They made sure to make time for themselves, going to Pop's every few days and him sneaking into her room twice to spend time together for a few brief moments.

The second week went by with fewer and fewer communications, and only once could he get away from the Serpents long enough for a milkshake at Pop's. But he received a text halfway through their planned date and he had to leave. He hadn't even stayed for his cheeseburger and fries, which were delivered minutes after he had left.

The following two weeks had been minimal communication, only a handful of her texts were answered, and they hadn't seen each other at all.

It just felt like there was so much going on that her brain couldn't comprehend dealing with one more thing on her plate. Everything felt like it was compounding and constantly weighing her down. She wished everything would just _stop_ for one minute.

It was all just _too much_.

She had just gotten back from an evening run, desperate to clear her mind. She ran until her lungs burned and her legs felt that they would give out. It usually gave her clarity, at least for a little while. It hadn't worked today.

So there she was on a Thursday night, staring into an open word document on her laptop, the cursor blinking away, taunting her with writer's block. She had notes and her tape recorder strewn across her floral duvet. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't come up with the perfect conclusion to the debate team's success in the state finals.

She dug the palms of her hands above her eyelids, willing something - _anything_ \- to spill onto the document staring at her.

Maybe if she just closed her eyes for a few minutes, the elusive words would come to her. She pushed her laptop aside and laid back on her pillows.

She took slow breaths in and out, trying to force all of the thoughts to just be quiet... just for one _damn_ minute.

* * *

Veronica could tell something was up with her blonde and ambitious BFF, the dark circles under her eyes, the curt responses whenever she or Archie had asked what was going on. The distracted and distant look in her eyes, whenever the conversation wasn't focused on her. She could see how frequently Betty's fists closed into her palms, knuckles turning white. She even thought she saw the slightest tint of red underneath her perfectly trimmed nails.

But enough was enough. If Betty wouldn't open up to her, she would go to the next best source: Jughead.

She pulled out her phone and sent off a quick text.

 **Veronica:** is Betty okay? She seems off...

Jughead was in the midst of another Serpent meeting. This time they were going over initiation proceedings for some new members. Viper was just discussing the two new prospects. Neither were a legacy, so they had to prove their commitment to the Serpents. Usually by securing a small dealing, or shaking down someone that owed the Serpents money.

Jughead had been considered a legacy to the Southside Serpents, and the only formal initiation was a verbal acknowledgement to the leaders, accepting the invitation to join them. It had taken place just a week after they offered him the leather jacket. He now felt the same sense of security wearing the jacket at Southside High, as he had wearing his beanie at Riverdale High. Not saying that he gave up his crown-shaped beanie, often wearing it outside of school.

His phone went off in two quick tones, indicating a text message. He opened it quickly, intending to turn it on silent when the words made him pause. _Betty_.

 **Jughead:** what do you mean?

The pair exchanged a quick conversation while Viper finalized the plan for the new possible members of the Serpents. He might as well have been speaking a foreign language, from the lack of attention Jughead had for the older Serpent.

 **Veronica:** something's clearly bothering her, but she's not opening up to me when I try to talk to her. I figured you would know what's up with her?

 **Jughead:** she hasn't mentioned anything.

In fact, he couldn't recall the last conversation they had, let alone anything that was bothering her. He tried to think back on when they last had any sort of meaningful communication, coming up empty. He was so wrapped up in catching up on classes mid-semester, then the demands of being a Serpent, that two weeks had passed and he hadn't even seen her.

He opened up his thread with Betty. There were five messages he had read, but not answered. He meant to, he really did. But how could he express the level at which he missed Betty through a few words? He couldn't do it justice, so he just... hadn't answered.

 **Betty, Saturday:** Movie tomorrow? :)

 **Betty, Sunday:** I miss you

 **Betty, Tuesday:** I'm working at the Blue and Gold. Another late night trying to wrap up this week's publication. Wishing you were here instead of my mom...

 **Betty, Wednesday:** Pop's after school on Friday?

 **Betty, Thursday:** Hope everything is okay :\

The most recent one was from just a few hours earlier. Rereading those messages, his heart sank even further. He inadvertently closed himself off from the one person that stood by him, the one person he trusted completely; the shining light in his world of darkness.

It was clear from Veronica's message that something was up with Betty, and he was determined to find out.

He opened his thread with Veronica and sent a quick, final reply.

 **Jughead:** I'm not sure, but I'm going to find out. Wish me luck.

After the lack of communication on his part, he could use all the luck he could find. He said a quick goodbye to Viper, Ferret, Venom, and Junior. He barely even registered Viper's questions as he bolted out of the backroom of the Whyte Wyrm.

* * *

Betty woke to a few quick taps on her window. It could only be one person at her window. The same person that she snuck into her room a few times after curfew, exchanging hushed words and kisses late into the night. But those fleeting moments seemed years away, not weeks.

She uncurled her fingers from her fists, feeling the dry crusted blood in the middle of her palms. Not like that was the first time this happened. Apparently her subconscious had a way of working out her frustrations while she was asleep, that her conscious brain desperately tried to keep at bay. It was nearly a nightly occurrence these last two weeks.

She didn't even bother grabbing a tissue to clean them off. She slid out of bed and crossed her room to unlock the window. She caught the brief flash of his gray crown-shaped beanie before turning around. She didn't wait for him to climb through before she sank back into the comfort of her mattress. She threw her arm over her eyes to shield her from the overhead light.

"Betty," he started.

He wasn't exactly sure how to continue when he caught the sight of four dark red semi-circles in the palm of her upturned hand, at a loss for words. She needed him, and he hadn't been there.

A whole new set of questions ran through his mind. What had her so stressed out that she resorted to hurting herself? What darkness was she dealing with, and why hadn't she confided in him to help her through it?

She let out an audible sigh. "What do you want Jughead?" she spat. Recently, he only ever came by when he needed her advice, her voice of reason. She wasn't in the mood to deal with it tonight.

He took the few steps forward so he was standing at the foot of her bed. Her bed wasn't foreign territory, often used by them for cuddling and kissing. But with the sharp tone in her voice, he knew that her bed was off limits. It felt as if she were miles away, not mere feet from his grasp.

"Look Jug, can you just say what you came here to say? So I can get back to my article," she continued. She glanced at her laptop's clock in her peripheral, 11:03pm. The last thing she remembered was pushing her laptop away around 8:30pm. "Or just go back to sleep."

She pressed the palm of her hands into her temples, attempting to massage away the dull throb. She felt a weight depress the edge of her bed and she propped herself up with her elbows, finally landing her green eyes on the piercing blue sitting across from her.

"Betts," he began. He lightly placed his hand on her knee, applying a gentle pressure back and forth with his thumb. "I missed you. What's been going on?" The _'what's wrong'_ went unsaid.

She sat up at that, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at her boyfriend. "Oh so _now_ you want to know what's going on with me?"

She took a deep breath before continuing, not waiting for the beanie wearing boy to answer. "Well let's see. Between midterms and assignments, extracurriculars that I can't back out of, tracking down my older brother, and attempting to comprehend just how incompetent the sheriff's department is, all while trying to help out Archie and his dad.

"I can't even talk to Veronica with everything she has going on since her father came back to town, and I don't want to bother Archie when he has so much going on with his dad's physical therapy. Then trying to reach out to my boyfriend who doesn't even have the decency to," She did the mental math - yup it was about ten days since he'd answered one of her texts.

"-take five seconds out of his day to answer me in the last week and a half, I'm doing just _great_."

Jughead didn't know how to process what she had just blurted out, all in one single breath, which was an accomplishment all on its own. The motion of his thumb had stopped completely, reeling over what she had laid out.

He knew he screwed up. And by the fierce glint in her eyes, daring him to challenge her, she knew it as well.

"Wait, since when do you have an older brother?" Of _course_ that had to be the first thing out of his mouth. And yet again, it was the wrong choice.

"Really?" she asked with narrowed eyes, her fingertips turning white from the grasp on her upper arms. A sweet smile played across her lips, but he could see the challenging glare flickering behind her eyes.

That look was more unnerving than anything else he had seen from... well anyone, ever. Let alone the girl next door that he had come to love over the years.

" _That's_ the first thing you ask?!" Her voice raised a few octaves. She took a deep breath and continued, her voice a few decibels lower.

"You would know if you bothered to ask. But whenever I see you, it's always about how you're doing at Southside High or problems with the Serpents." Or at least the barest minimum of information when it came to the Serpents. "When was the last time you even _thought_ about how I was doing?"

His eyes went wide and his shoulders drew back away. Apparently he was leaning in towards her, without realizing. He had always gravitated towards her, knowing he would find solace in her presence.

He had never seen Betty like this, never this blunt. But she was right, and he knew he only had himself to blame. He had been so wrapped up in his new school and the expectations that came with being FP's son in the Serpents, that he inadvertently let down the most important person in his life.

Her heart was pounding louder, and growing louder every passing second of silence in her bedroom. The anger boiling just below the surface, and she was refusing to let it show. All those years of perfection that were instilled in her, she wouldn't allow herself to show it, not even in front of Jughead.

Those little intrusive thoughts were also growing louder, tempting her to dig into her palms and just pierce through the skin, give herself back some of the control that she desperately sought. She willed her fingers to stay put, grasping even harder at her upper arms.

"Betty, come on, talk to me. I'm worried about you." His hand caressed the skin just above her knee, and he saw some of the tension leave her shoulders. Maybe he was getting through to her.

"Those are just words Jug." She forced her fingers to lessen their grip, returning some of the blood flow to her now tingling fingertips.

"I can't do this anymore," she continued. "I'm so tired. So fucking tired of this. I just can't do it anymore."

 _No, no, no. This can't be happening._ She can't be breaking up with him.

She glanced down, accepting defeat. She wouldn't be the only one trying anymore, of feeling like she was the only one putting in any effort into their relationship.

Jughead couldn't believe what he heard. He wouldn't let this happen. His fingertips ran up her arms and neck, settling on sides of her face so he could look into her eyes.

"Don't do this, Betty," he began. "I know I've been a shitty boyfriend, I have. But you are the one thing that gets me through every day. You are the most important person in my life, and you're the one person I trust with everything."

"-but I'm not anymore," she interrupted. "You don't tell me everything anymore. I barely know what's going on with you because you won't confide in me. You're shutting me out of your new life."

His heart sank even further at her admission. _Shit._ "You're right, Betts. I didn't want to involve you in Serpents dealings. I still want to keep you safe. The best way I could do that was not to involve you at all."

His thumbs lightly brushed against her cheeks and her features softened ever so slightly. "Please don't break up with me. I'll do better, try harder. Just please don't give up on us."

She glanced back up to see tears threatening to spill from his eyes. She let out a light laugh and brought her hands up to cover over his own. "Wow, maybe we _do_ need to work on our communication more than I thought."

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He couldn't fathom why her possibly breaking up with him would cause laughter of all things.

"Juggie, I'm not breaking up with you. I just meant that I was tired of being the only one putting in any effort. I felt like I was trying so hard to hold into what we have, and you were fine with just letting us go. I feel like I'm being taken for granted, and I don't like it." The sincerity in her voice was evident. She pulled their hands down so she could interlace their fingers. "I want to feel like we're in this together. A true partnership."

He leaned in, bringing his forehead to rest against hers. "Betty, I _promise_ this is the last time you'll feel like that with me. I want all of that and more, with you. I never want you to feel alone or that I'm taking you for granted."

He leaned in closer, giving her plenty of opportunity to back away. "I love you."

He allowed her to take the lead and she closed the gap between them, her lips lightly brushing against his. It was brief, but when she whispered back "I love you too Juggie," he closed the gap again.

She immediately deepened the kiss, bringing herself closer and her hands framed his face. His fingers danced at the exposed skin from her tank top, lifting it slightly. He pulled her flush against him, causing a light sigh to escape her lips. He took her bottom lip between his teeth, reveling in the moan it elicited. He peppered kisses along her jaw line then turned to her hand, kissing each knuckle before circling her own hands in his.

"Let me help you clean up," he offered. He kissed her knuckles again, silently cursing himself that he wasn't there to help her when she needed him.

She took her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded. She wordlessly reached for tissues and a water bottle, handing them over to Jughead. (She wouldn't dare risk going down the hall to her bathroom, with her boyfriend hiding out in her room.)

He very carefully tended to the crescent shaped marks in her palms, still dry and cracked from earlier. When he finished with her right hand, he placed kisses along each one before tending to her left hand.

"I don't need you to protect me by the way," she whispered. "I'm completely capable of looking after myself."

He smirked. "I'm well aware that Betty Cooper is a force of nature."

He finished with her second hand, lightly running his lips across those crescent shaped marks before discarding the tissues in her trash. "I'll always want to protect you, but I promise not to keep anything from you. Even if _I_ think it's dangerous. As long as you promise me one thing." He placed his hand on her thigh, lightly tracing patterns into her pajamas.

"What's that?" She leaned against his shoulder, finding comfort in the scent she missed the past two weeks.

"I need you to tell me when you need me. _Please_ ," he emphasized.

"You drive a hard bargain, Jones. But deal."

He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close.

It was at that moment that a few rapid fire text notifications chimed on his phone. The way Betty tensed beneath him didn't go unnoticed.

"Do you have to go?" she asked.

He opened his phone, seeing a few texts from Viper, but it could wait until tomorrow. He knew he needed to shift his priorities, and he would make every effort to be present with her from now on. "No," he said simply.

She kissed his cheek. "So you can stay?" she asked cautiously.

He kissed her soundly and kicked off his boots (quietly) for good measure. "I can stay."

She pulled him underneath her covers and was asleep within minutes, getting the best sleep she had in weeks.

Surrounded by the familiar vanilla scent of her body wash and the comfort of her head against his chest, Jughead drifted off as well.

* * *

The next morning Jughead woke to a weight on his chest and legs intertwined with his own. He never woke up before her - the few times she had snuck him into her room over the last few months of their relationship, and only when her mother had been out of town. He took a few moments to revel in just how peaceful she looked. No furrowed brows, no tense shoulders.

Her fingers curled around his shirt.

"So I wasn't dreaming," she muttered. She opened her eyes to find a huge grin on his face and his hair sticking out in literally every direction. She mirrored a wide grin back at him.

He leaned in to place a soft kiss on her forehead. "Good morning, gorgeous," he whispered into her hair.

Her cheeks flushed with color. "Can we just stay here all day?"

He kissed her forehead once more. "Somehow I don't think Mrs. Cooper would appreciate finding us here together."

She rolled her eyes, but accepted his reasoning. "Well, you better sneak back out the way you came in, before she does find you."

He pulled her in just a little closer and traced small circles into her waist, making no movement to get out of her bed. "Can I walk you to school?"

Her eyes brightened at the prospect of spending just a little more time together. "I'd like that."

She all but shoved him out the window when she heard the kitchen cabinets opening and closing downstairs. Her parents were already awake.

"Meet me around the corner? I'll bring you something for breakfast." She didn't even wait for an answer before closing her window.

She snuck two blueberry muffins in her bag and took a larger than usual travel mug of coffee for the two of them to share. She was out of the house in record time and found him leaning against one of the large oak trees near the corner.

She offered muffins in one hand and coffee in the other. He placed the muffins inside his large jacket pocket in favor of interlacing their fingers together instead.

It was the one and _only_ instance she could recall where Jughead willingly passed on food.

The walk to Riverdale High was over too quickly, but it allowed enough time for him to promise a date to Pop's that evening, which was a promise he intended to keep. And a few other promises he hadn't said aloud, preferring to surprise her instead.

* * *

Jughead made a surprise appearance at lunch time and slid into the seat next to Betty. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder before giving her a quick peck on the lips. It had been the first time he'd set foot in Riverdale High since transferring, and he was here for her.

She thought just maybe, they'd be okay.

* * *

 **A/N-** Comments and adding to favorites is very much appreciated! Seriously comments are like crack to fanfiction writers.

Also I'm on tumblr - xoheatherkw


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